Your relationship can build or destroy your mental health
Love is great, but at what cost?
It is a difficult thing to be lonely. Loneliness drives people into different relationships for acceptance, affection, love, peace, and security. However, Some have mastered the art of being alone and appreciate the peace that comes with being by themselves.
There are several reasons people get into relationships. For companionship, better social well-being, networking, seeking new friends, or finding someone to live happily ever after. Whatever the reason behind your current or new relationship, ask yourself if it’s making your life better or worse.
Several people are in unhealthy relationships because they have not yet learned to appreciate being alone (not lonely) or tie their happiness to a particular relationship that they feel they cannot do without. Numerous relationships, friendships, and marriages are occupied by people who need to heal from past trauma and extend into their current relationships.
You might be wondering why I used the picture of an older couple for my feature image. It’s intentional. Society presents love, relationships, and marriages as beautiful and full of laughter, but we must remind ourselves that it is a long journey with many bumps. Many people don’t grow old to live happily ever after. It’s not because they don’t desire it but because life doesn’t always go as planned.
The beginning of most relationships is often sweet and exciting. It is a dream for most people to settle with someone they find peace and love in. That’s where it gets tricky. Love is never enough for human relationships. Several other factors keep a relationship healthy and flourishing. These include trust, understanding, finance, religion, societal norms, personal goals, mental and physical health, and more.
It is easy to overlook the strain of a relationship on your mental health because you want to give it a chance, don’t want to be single again, or are bothered about what people will say. It could be a mere date, a new fling, a five-year relationship, or a decade-long marriage that is taking a toll on your mental health and making you almost question your sanity. Anything that costs your mental health is too expensive. Leave it alone.
Love is a beautiful confusion.
You may be thinking, am I asking you to quit that friendship, relationship, or marriage because it’s becoming too much to be in? Yes, and No.
Relax, read the quote above again, then let’s continue. I’m not asking you to quit the relationship or marriage you have spent time building, but wisdom is profitable in all things. There are signs that show you are doing more harm than good to yourself and your partner if you insist on keeping that relationship.
You are finding it difficult to love or feel loved. If you randomly question if you are loved or if your feelings are mutual, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship and ask questions.
Difficulty in understanding each other and your desires. You or your partner may need healing or a deep understanding and experience with self-love before you can give and accept love the way you and your partner desire. Love languages are different, and an absence of one may appear to be a lack of love and send your mental health in a downward spiral.
Your personal goals don’t align. Marriage is a partnership, and if your long-term goals do not align, there will be constant questioning if you are wasting your time with that person. It’s more than careers or fantasies but what you both want from a relationship. Do they align? Will they help build you into a better version of yourself or not?
Spending time together is no longer exciting. This applies to all forms of relationships, including pets. If you don’t look forward to speaking to or seeing them anymore, your relationship needs help.
You complain and doubt yourself. Almost everything we say and do happens in the mind first. A healthy relationship will not make you complain about nearly everything or doubt if you’re good enough for anyone.
Some of these signs are indications that your mental health is on the brink of collapse and needs help.
It is not compulsory to be in a relationship or marriage. Marriage is not proof of a life well lived. If a relationship is better off as a friendship, let it be just that, and If your marriage is better for you both as shared parenting, then by all means.
The most important to each individual is you don’t lose yourself because of a friendship, relationship, or marriage. Talk to your friend, date, or spouse, and try to understand and find soft landings for your shared interests.
If it’s not enough, speak to a therapist or relationship counselor to provide a third perspective and guidance. Do all you can, and if it’s damaging your mental health, you know what the quote says; It is too expensive if it costs your mental health.
My tummy calls for help. I’ll talk to you on Friday, Don’t miss the space.
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Yikes, I hope your tummy feels better 🙏🏽 Well written article, for sure. The part where you stated, “If you don’t look forward to speaking to or seeing them anymore, your relationship needs help”, I felt this because I’ve recently experienced it. Unfortunately, I don’t think outside help can fix that relationship, but I wish her well.