Your hormones are not to blame
Men have hormones too…
Sometimes, I think about how weird certain behaviors are but have become the norm. Do you ever wonder why some women always behave harshly or rudely to their spouse, close friends, or family when it’s that time of the month? They blame the hormones and baby box for their unfair behavior, but they don’t extend that attitude to their boss at work or if they are at a public gathering with strangers.
Another interesting one is how we have come to accept that it’s okay for women to deny/refuse sex with their husbands for reasons such as, I’m tired, I’m not in the mood, I don’t feel like it, or I’ve had a long day, I don’t enjoy the way you do it, and men simply accept. The honorable ones stay celibate without cheating or considering things like maybe his wife doesn’t love him anymore or is seeing someone else. Her reasons must be valid and he will respect them. Unreal men would resort to physical abuse, coercion, or cheating.
However, if a man returns home to his horny wife and gives any of the above reasons as to why he doesn’t want to have sex at the moment, all hell will break loose immediately or eventually. Oftentimes, the plethora of questions that follow can either make him reluctantly have sex or take a blow at his mental health.
“Why don’t you want me? You don’t love me anymore? Am I not sexy enough for you? Is there someone else? Men are always ready for sex so how can you say you are not in the mood? You must be seeing someone else.”
Why tho?
Disclaimer: This is NOT a gender war, an attempt to say men don’t have issues (patriarchy created most of these problems), or an attempt to put men and women at loggerheads but an attempt to create a clear space for focus, awareness, understanding, consideration, accountability, equality, and unity.
It makes me wonder because these hormones we often hold accountable for these behaviors exist in men, too. We all feel these things called emotions and can both have mood swings. So, why do we excuse it in one and not in the other? If we advocate for equality and fairness, shouldn’t these be accounted for?
I’ve synced with
to share insights from a woman’s perspective on this quite sensitive topic.How do female hormones amplify mental health issues?
Well, we females are already deemed as emotional beings that are highly sensitive. It amplifies during our menstrual cycles due to the physical pain we experience, which could cause detriment to our minds, as well as others.
Why are these hormones easily used as the reason behind toxic behaviors by women?
Our hormones shouldn’t grant us the right to wreak havoc on anyone, but I find the lack of empathy and compassion opens the door for toxic behaviors. At times, we don’t feel seen or heard, so what we do in return is throw obnoxious tantrums. Then after that’s over, we either pretend like nothing happened, or we blame it on our menstruals. We turn into hormone monsters.
How can women be more accountable for their actions?
Speaking from my experience, I’m very communicative about what I’m going through, and why I react/reacted the way I do/did. Most importantly, I apologize to anyone I hurt and work extremely hard to manage my emotions.
In what ways can women manage their emotions to not influence toxic behavior?
Distractions, but valuable distractions. Such as listening to positive tunes, journaling, reading a book, and maybe a little retail therapy. It’s best to focus on what makes you happy rather than what hurts you.
What role do men play in women’s behavior due to hormonal changes and mental health?
Oh boy! Jokingly, men are at the forefront of every stage a woman faces (men-opause, men-strual cycle, men-tal), but in all seriousness, I feel it’s due to the lack of understanding. So we place our burdens upon the shoulders of men, especially our significant other because they’re easy targets. We know we won’t be reprimanded as bad because they love us. However, if love should soften their reaction, why does it harden women’s? If we love them like we say we do, it shouldn’t be circumstantial. To remedy that, honest communication, understanding, and support are imperative.
Hmm, one word comes to mind to have contributed to all of this—patriarchy.
It's interesting to see that most of the systems behind men’s mental health issues were created by men for men, and sadly, men are responsible for fixing them.
However, if we seek equality and shared unity, we must take cues from certain concepts such as true feminism (not today’s version) to see men and women as first human beings. Then we can marry each other's differences as unique features that can be applied in teamwork to achieve common goals that aid effective communication, understanding, and healthy partnerships that make relationships function in ways that breed positive mental health.
 | A guest post by
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I’m really looking forward to having this discussion on today’s space! ☺️👏🏽✨