If someone does not like your boundaries, it means that it is working.
Every time we talk about healthy ways to build positive mental health, the concept of boundaries comes up, but many people are worried about stepping on toes. This feeling of not wanting to offend someone you care about by setting boundaries can come from people pleasing or a lack of love and confidence in yourself.
One thing I need to make clear before I continue is that boundaries are meant to protect you from others, not for them.
In your attempt to heal from trauma, addiction, heartbreak, or shield yourself from an abuser, boundaries are necessary to protect you emotionally, mentally, and even physically.
How to set boundaries as a people-pleaser.
A common challenge for people who struggle with people-pleasing is setting boundaries. It is easy to tell yourself that boundaries will mean you are selfish or do not care about the feelings of others. No.
As a former people-pleaser, I can tell you that the absence of boundaries will guarantee you never stop people-pleasing.
You do not have to be a nice person to be a good person.
You must remind yourself that you do not have control over what and how people will think about you. No matter what you say or do, people will think what they want.
A good way to build a healthy habit of setting boundaries to protect yourself is to start by writing down how you feel when you do not put yourself first. How did someone's entitlement to your time and attention make you feel? How much stress did you endure to please them? How often do you vent about how others do not consider your feelings even when you always care about theirs? How did they react the one time you put yourself first and why?
This will put things in perspective and give you clarity. The thing with boundaries is that setting boundaries is for you, not them. It is to protect your peace, give you time to meet your needs, build space for mutual respect, and for relationships to thrive as one and without the other.
So if someone gets angry that you set boundaries meant to protect you, it tells you that they do not have your best interest at heart. Nobody who wants you to grow or build self-confidence will be mad that you are taking steps to improve your well-being.
Some of the benefits of setting boundaries are;
less stress,
More time for self-care,
Mutual respect,
Peace and healing, and
Space for self-love to thrive without envy and jealousy,
The thing with boundaries is that it can seem like a selfish act at first, but when you look closely, you are doing yourself and others a favor. You are building a healthy atmosphere to have a responsible and reliable identity outside of your relationships and allowing others to do the same. It is a game changer.
There are many benefits of setting boundaries, and we will discuss them all in the community meeting. I would love to see you there.
Great read 👏🏽