No one should have that much power over you.
The way relationships work can be quite funny. You connect with someone’s post, reply to it, connect and bond over some other posts, and begin texting. You do not even have to meet them in real life to develop a strong affection, and before you know it, they are who you want to text when you wake up and before you go to bed at night.
Sounds like a fairytale? Maybe, but that is the reality of many relationships today. It is quite beautiful, to be honest.
We often underestimate the power of a good bond. How your life can easily revolve around one person, and when they decide they are no longer interested in maintaining the sanctity of that bond, it feels like your entire world is shattered.
I remember that feeling like it was yesterday. The struggle that comes with not knowing what and how to do anything because someone you are used to talking to every morning suddenly has nothing to do with you. Damn! That shit hurts like hell.
How do you take back your power?
When your world revolves around another person, it can be breathtaking and gut-wrenching at the same time. It feels like without them in your life, you have no purpose, no vision, no direction, and no use for yourself, and sometimes, you cannot even think properly because you are used to a pattern that no longer exists.
That is a difficult place to recover from. It is heartbreaking, and the truth hurts, but we all need the truth if we want to heal, recover, and grow. To take back your life that revolves around someone else, you have to do the inevitable.
Break the norm.
Change is difficult but necessary for growth. As painful as it is to watch your world crumble before you, a time comes when you have to pick yourself up and save yourself because no one is coming to save you. At this point, the best thing you can do for yourself is to do what is most uncomfortable because growth happens in discomfort.
Choose yourself every day.
It may sound selfish, but some level of selfishness is required to retain your self-respect, or else people will trample on you and treat you like trash. Remember, people mostly see you how you view yourself. If you show people you have no regard for yourself, do not be surprised when they treat you without any. You are worth more than being someone else's second option.
Be kinder to yourself.
How do you treat a new crush or someone you recently found attractive? With softness, care, caution, and kindness, right? You are too careful to hurt their feelings. Look in the mirror today and tell yourself this. I am beautiful enough to be someone’s goal. That someone can be you. Pamper yourself, respect yourself, spoil yourself, say nice things to and about yourself, apologize, forgive yourself, and heal only for yourself.
We often spend so much time seeking approval and validation from others before we even feel good about ourselves. Sometimes, as a result of past trauma. However, in the same way, you cannot blindly give the keys to your house to someone else to do as they like. Do not give the keys to your life to anyone to decide when and how you flourish.
You are powerful and unique in your own way, but sometimes, it takes a terrible experience to realize that. Get angry, grieve, accept it for what it is, embrace your mistakes and flaws, pick yourself up, and do not let anyone halt your life while they live on their terms.
Take back your power.
Join the rest of The Real Talk community on Twitter as we discuss how to take back your power from unhealthy relationships.
Very interesting read Sprenko! What came to my mind is this notion of your life revolving around another person and identifying so much with them that you lose your own sense of identity in the process. Is this healthy? Even in a 'healthy' relationship, that level of attachment can be quite damaging. I feel like this in itself is maybe something to be mindful of - to be aware of the dynamics and to keep reconnecting back with yourself so as not to ever lose yourself in someone else.
But yes regardless, endings are always heart wrenching - there is so much grief there. So it's important to allow yourself to feel through that without rushing it or wishing it away. It is part of the package and is inevitable. Everything must come to an end.