Dealing with loneliness in Relationships
You shouldn't feel stuck in love
No one deserves to feel lonely and stuck in a relationship, but it happens. This feeling doesn’t often come from a toxic place but more of a lack of awareness, absence of intentionality, and lack of commitment.
You can be in a room full of people and still feel alone.
In this journey of life, you cannot go through it alone, no matter how independent and self-reliant you are. We are designed to connect, make bonds, and impact each other’s growth. These relationships we build differ from person to person and evolve at different life periods. In friendships, romantic relationships, and other forms of relationships, it can feel boring and lonely sometimes, regardless of your love for that person.
The world we live in is fast-paced, and unfortunately, it requires a lot of effort to keep up with daily tasks and routines. These include our friendships and relationships. If both parties are not consciously committed to making it work, it can feel lonely, and you find yourself losing interest even if you don’t want to.
Long-distance relationships suffer the most for several reasons. Time differences, work hours and demands, lack of physical intimacy, and the generic out of sight is out of mind can dent the bond in a relationship. However, even close relationships and marriages suffer this same fate. Sadly, the hustle and bustle of life has seared deep into the skins of individuals, and committing time to their relationships becomes a problem. The more troubling thing is that they don’t even notice or realize that their relationships and marriages lack the commitment, passion, quality time, and vigor they once had, and their partner is suffering in silence.
You can be so close yet feel so far away.
Relationship or marriage is not a 50/50 thing. It is 100% from both parties. Your 100% today can be sufficient for both of you and vice versa, but every healthy relationship thrives on joint commitment.
Feeling lonely in a relationship happens more often than you may realize for several reasons. People learn new things about themselves, and love languages can change or evolve. However, most people are comfortable with the situation of their relationships as it has now become routine. Wake up, good morning honey, breakfast, love you, bye, go to work, return from work, honey I’m home, peck on the lips, textbook sex maybe once a week or once a month, and attend ceremonies as a couple. Nothing fun, exciting, passionate, nothing to ignite that core friendship that upholds every wholesome relationship.
What happens next?
You or your partner (whoever is suffering in silence) then encounters other people online or in real life. This new encounter comes with fresh excitement, kindness, attention to detail, courtesy, mutual respect, understanding, and desire to spend time together, but beyond that, is someone filling the void that needs filling.
The result is you or your partner subconsciously spend more time with these new encounters than with your significant other. It’s even worse when you or your partner is making an effort to give hints to reignite the passion or suggest things to strengthen your bond but is met with a cold I don’t care attitude. As long as the bills are paid and the home is functioning, all is well.
All is not well. Open your eyes!
Look at them. Do they have two heads? We already know it can get lonely, so how do you make it less lonely and bring back your idea of true love?
Communication. Everything begins and ends with communication. If you don’t already, Talk to your partner and schedule a weekly couple tea or wine date for 30 minutes. Talk about your week, accomplishments, challenges, the best meal you had, the happiest period, the angriest moment, and something you would have loved to do but couldn’t do. This activity helps foster understanding and brings your partner closer to your world.
Listen to understand, not reply. When your partner says I’m tired, your response doesn’t always have to be get some rest. Sometimes, Walk over and give them a massage, suggest a break from work, and do something relaxing. Her mood swings may not be from what you said, but because her body misses being ducked to oblivion. You are not her account officer. Pay attention to her love languages and service them.
Random acts of kindness and bursts of intimacy. When last did you do something nice for your husband/boyfriend that didn’t feel like an obligation or duty? Are you the one who’s always sitting in the dining waiting for dinner to be served? What happened to sneaking up on her in the kitchen, hugging her from behind, and planting a passionate kiss on her beautiful forehead or lips? Would you become less of a man if you stayed back to do the dishes with her once in a while? Or you bought the house and paid the bills, so you can’t be doing such? You better behave.
Relationships will not always retain their honeymoon passion and excitement. However, an effort to maintain the intimate connection you once shared that got you to want a happily ever after with your partner shouldn't be something you can't commit to.
If a part of you would almost lose itself if someone else becomes the reason your partner feels alive again, then making an effort to communicate, understand, and reignite that passion is the least you can do.
Don’t be the reason someone feels dead inside.
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Wow! You sound like the best guy any woman wants. Your girlfriend/wife is such a fortunate lady! ;)
I'm honored by your comment, Janet. Thank you! 💛