Cheating is not a mistake
Because you let it happen
Nobody accidentally slips and falls into an orgasm.
They lied to you. Yeah, if your spouse or lover says they didn’t know it was going to happen and it all happened by mistake, they didn’t only cheat on you, they also lied.
People cheat for different reasons, but a unifying feature is that cheating is never a mistake unless it’s rape. As an adult human being, you almost immediately know if you find someone attractive at your first encounter. It doesn’t have to be a sexual attraction. You can be attracted to someone’s style, appearance, voice, how they comport themselves, or simply their smile at first glance.
Having that first-hand knowledge when you encounter someone online or in real life, it is your responsibility to discipline yourself to set a boundary and appropriately decide what role that person plays in your life (if any) and in your relationship or marriage. The kind and level of attraction you sense you have toward them plays a role in this decision if you want to avoid setting yourself up for a potential infidelity experience.
Everybody is capable of cheating.
Under favorable circumstances, anyone can cheat. Men and Women cheat for different reasons, but it doesn’t happen by mistake. I’ll elaborate.
Why Women Cheat
Women are naturally reliant on emotional acceptance and support. It’s the natural design. Women are usually moved by what they hear and feel, so your words of affirmation, quality time, and physical touch are essential for any relationship to thrive. When these are lacking in a relationship, you are naturally drawn to who or where it seems to be available for you.
It can begin with a harmless gesture or compliment, but it makes you smile more than you have ever smiled since you can remember. Then you realize your man is everything but doesn’t notice you enough to give you random sweet or sexy compliments to make you blush.
That dude who is just a friend also happens to be funny as fvck and emotionally available as opposed to your man who’s all about ensuring he provides all your material needs. Sigh. If only he could listen and learn to do better, right?
Maybe it’s a girl’s trip to Ibiza to relax and unwind as you and hubby have been working non-stop. Then a dude keeps giving you those eyes that scream you’re missing out on hot sex, and you know you haven’t had your back blown out in maybe a year. You and the girls hit the shots, and in your vulnerable state, you Facetime your man to tell him about the waterfall in punani island, but he’s either too busy for such a call or asleep as usual. Then, as the universe would have it, the girls drag you out for games with some other tourists, and that hot dude is your play partner, and the rest is history. You regret it, but what happens in Ibiza stays in Ibiza cos you love your man so much to hurt him with the truth. Damn.
Why Men Cheat
It’s a different ball game for men, pun intended. It’s more of a ball game than any other thing if we’re being real. A man can have all he needs in a woman. In fact, his woman can be who other men desire, yet he will cheat. Cheating for men is often from indiscipline and a lack of respect for yourself and your spouse.
You’re scrolling through X (formerly Twitter), and a tweet hits you like never before. You respond and notice the pretty lady behind the account. One conversation leads to another, and you’re in each other’s DMs, being nice and caring. However, you realize you are now interested in chatting with this new internet friend than spending time with your wife. hmm… Thoughts of what could possibly happen if you meet this pretty and sweet lady frequently circle your mind, and you are not inclined to take a step back and check yourself. The only reason you haven’t physically cheated is because you haven’t found yourself alone with her. You have been emotionally cheating, and you are okay with it.
Yeah, I said what I said. There will always be a woman sexier, hotter, or more beautiful than your girlfriend or wife. You will encounter someone nicer or sweeter than your man. Before you let him slide in at the back of his truck or pin her to the balcony overlooking the Eiffel Tower, it will cross your mind that you’re about to cheat, but you’ll tell yourself that it’s just this once.
Want to stop cheating? Start here.
Do you feel guilt after cheating because you know your partner doesn’t deserve such hurt? Maybe it’s because you know you shouldn’t be drilling every hole you come across when there’s a lovely woman at home to drill till eternity.
However, there are issues. How won’t you cheat when hubby can’t even be romantic apart from when he wants to slide in and on his terms? Plain old lay down, gwak, gwak, and walk away. How won’t you cheat when wifey doesn’t even wear sexy clothes at home? Every time, it’s missionary, with no flair, spice, or role-play to make it fun and thrilling. There is more to a relationship. This is not the Stone Age.
Start doing these for a change:
Watch videos and Talk about your desires and fantasies with your partner.
Communicate and understand your love languages.
Practice self-discipline. It’s for your own good.
Respect yourself, cheating makes you suck.
Experiment with your spouse.
Try couples therapy (sexual therapy works)
Psychedelics as a couple helps with bonding and intimacy.
All of these are proven to help revive intimacy between couples and create a safe space for communication and experimentation. However, different things work for different people, so do what works for you.
The bottom line is that cheating doesn’t make you slick or smart. You are simply playing yourself, and if you blame it on the devil, you are a worse liar than the devil. Do better.
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