Intimacy will sweeten your relationship.
You have likely come across the word ‘intimacy’ but contrary to popular views, intimacy here is not sex. Sorry to burst your bubble.
That safe environment you create for your partner to feel safe to be vulnerable with you is the intimacy that transforms relationships.
Nothing is as reassuring as a partner who makes you feel seen, heard, and desired. That is all I seek in every relationship I have had. I am pretty sure everyone wants to feel loved. There is no denying that.
Imagine how it must feel being so close to someone, yet they feel so far away. You are in the same room, but your words fall on deaf ears, you seem invisible, their attention is extinct until they need something you can provide, and then you exist again. This was me until I decided I would not continue to live like that.
I remember watching a movie and feeling the pain of the woman as she broke down while narrating how sex with her husband feels like him signing into work and signing out because she can tell there is no passion anymore, just duty. It had me thinking about a lot. If two people could live without letting anything or anyone come between their love, what changes in dying relationships? What kills this passion that keeps intimacy thriving?
There is a reason your partner feels comfortable venting to their online friends when you are right beside them in the living room. What space do they create for your partner that you do not?
Marry your friend or become friends with your partner.
The truth is a bitter pill we must swallow if we want to heal.
The beauty of relationships is that you can learn a lot from the ones that do not work out, and so much more from the ones you fight to keep alive.
Every relationship needs all forms of intimacy to be sustainable. Love without understanding feels like control, not companionship.
After my last relationship, I created a list of questions to ask ourselves if we want to keep healthy relationships. Is your relationship intimate enough that you can answer these questions without guilt?
Do you respect and value each other?
Does your partner trust and feel emotionally safe in your relationship?
Do you work to appreciate each other, or is it a competition of who finds the most fault in each other?
Does your partner feel loved in your relationship? Answer it then ask them.
Do you take accountability when you misunderstand or misinterpret their love language?
When was the last time you opened up to your partner?
Are you a safe place for your partner to be vulnerable, or do they behave for fear of upsetting you?
Do you believe that your partner has your best interest at heart?
If the answers are NO to at least 4 questions, read this to the end.
Relax, sex is not what is missing in your relationship. Would it help? Sure. I plan to recreate the image above when I am 70 years old. 😂 What you need now is emotional intimacy.
In direct and indirect experiences, this intimacy has saved more marriages from divorce than some of the best lawyers combined.
When last did you leave everything including replying with that funny GIF or sending that email to sit or lay down for 5 minutes to nothing but the calmness and heartbeat of your partner? How many times have you given your man a gentle shoulder rub when he worked from home? Have you forgotten what it feels like to be cuddled because you cannot remember the last time your husband spooned you without having to poke you from behind?
Intimacy exists beyond sex, and emotional and mental intimacy can transform your relationship, but you must welcome it into your home.
Trust, empathy, and compassion will make you both unstoppable and make others wonder why your marriage is lovely.
Improve intimacy in your relationship in these steps.
Communicate your feelings with respect, not resentment. Oh, the anger! Leave it alone for a second, you will not die.
Listen to understand, not reply. Your feelings are not the only ones that matter babe, listen to him too, maybe you will realize he has your best interest at heart.
Build trust, not guilt and shame. Yes, you messed up, but how will you grow if you always shame yourself at the slightest misunderstanding?
Correct to encourage, not embarrass. She is your partner, mate, not your opponent. Be kind!
Be teachable, not territorial. You lead because you are good at what you do, and she follows because she is good at what she does as well. Respect her input and not make her feel it does not matter.
Learn to forgive and stop judging your partner. Grudges and guilt do not do you any good.
If you truly love your partner, you will try to restore the peace and passion you once shared or at least desire.
Try this activity with your partner and feel free to share the outcome with me after a month.
When emotional intimacy is the foundation of the relationship, physical intimacy, trust, and love become easily enjoyable.
Fantastic article. Intimacy exists in many forms but trust, safety and acknowledgement are crucial to achieving a truly intimate relationship.
(These articles as videos would be amazing - LMK if I can help)
Brilliant article fantastically written